


Persia no Tenshi

by sekiharatae



Category: Weiß Kreuz
Genre: Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-09-06
Updated: 2000-09-06
Packaged: 2017-10-12 11:47:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/124509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sekiharatae/pseuds/sekiharatae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crazy as it may sound, this is a brief parody of the Charlie's Angels TV show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Persia no Tenshi

_Narrator: Once upon a time four handsome young men ran a flower shop, and they all had very perilous duties._

[Inside the Kitty in the House flower shop, Yohji makes a pass at a pretty brunette, and with a screech of outrage she slaps him hard enough to knock his sunglasses off his head. Surprised, he steps backward into Omi, causing the younger man to stumble and drop the potted plant he was carrying. Moist dirt splatters everywhere, making the floor slippery enough to trip up Ken. As his feet slide out from under him, he reaches frantically for the counter, and whacks Aya in the head with the bouquet of roses he was on his way to deliver.]

 _Narrator: But I took them away from all that. Now they work for me. My name's Persia._

[Opening music plays as each of the characters is spotlighted in turn. Omi hacks into someone's computer; Ken plays tennis with a petite strawberry blonde; Yohji leans nonchalantly against the frame of an open doorway, smoking a casual cigarette while he listens in on someone's conversation; Aya holds a mob boss hostage using a steak knife and a tightly wound table cloth.]

* * *

[In a dimly lit room a video runs, and instructions issue from the silhouetted figure on the tape.]

Persia: This stripper was found strangled in an alley downtown last night.

[A leggy redhead steps out of the shadows to pass around photos of a handsome - and nearly naked - young man.]

Yohji: _This_ is a stripper?

Ken: There are male strippers, too, you know.

Yohji (smirking slightly): Really, Ken-Ken?

[As Ken's ears turn red, the tape answers for him.]

Persia: That's right, Yohji. _He_ worked as an exotic dancer in an elite ladies' club. Yushita is actually the fifth such victim - Manx?

[The leggy redhead passes out more pictures of mostly nude bishounen, all showing signs of abuse.]

Persia: Two of the victims were drugged before being beaten and strangled. The other three appear to have died due to blood loss and shock. Yushita was probably alive when he was dumped in the alley and left for dead.

Aya: I know where this is going. He wants us to infiltrate the club.

Persia: I want you four to infiltrate the club.

Aya (turning away from the screen as if bored): Told you.

Persia: Aya, Yohji, you'll be playing the part of exotic dancers.

Aya: _WHAT?_

Yohji: What the hell is he thinking?

Aya: Damn straight-

Yohji: Aya'd blind the customers with that whiter-than-white skin of his. I'll do it alone.

[Aya opens and closes his mouth a few times, not sure how to respond to this back-handed rescue.]

Persia: Aya, I know you're a very private person, but Yohji will need the backup... and Ken and Omi are still too young for this sort of thing.

[Ken and Omi look everywhere but at their teammates, flushing slightly at this reminder that at least one of them is under the age of consent.]

Yohji (slapping Aya on the back): Don't sweat it, Aya-kun. This could be a lot of fun.

Aya: I don't sweat. And... (mumbling) I don't dance.

Yohji (grinning like a shark): That's okay. They're not going to be looking at your feet.

[Commercial break. When we resume our story, the boys are already working in the club - Yohji and Aya as entertainment, Ken and Omi as bartending eyecandy.]

Ken (reporting to Manx as he serves her a martini): The entertainers are bought and sold without their consent. Yohji and Aya are new, so they're very popular, but the owner has been keeping them in reserve - I guess it heightens the customers' anticipation. I think tonight's the night, though.

Manx (taking a careful sip - Ken's martinis need some work): All right. Persia has provided funds for me to participate in the bidding. If the amount goes too high, the plan is for me to purchase Aya, and then suggest a foursome to whoever buys Yohji.

[Omi appears at Ken's elbow just in time to catch this last, and his eyes make a valiant attempt to bug out of his head.]

Omi: Manx-san and Aya-kun _and_ Yohji-kun?

Ken (nodding): And a strange woman.

Omi (awed): Kinky...

Manx (rolling her eyes): Behave yourselves children.

[Unfortunately, plans go awry and Manx is outbid.]

Manx (pulling out a cell phone to call Persia): Damnit! I told Persia they were too sexy to go for such piddling sums!

Omi (helpfully): Maybe they can pretend to swing the other way?

Manx (glaring at Omi as Ken collapses laughing): Yohji? Aya's uptight enough to try it - maybe - but Yohji is likely to think of this as one of the perks of the job!

[Later - after Aya has rescued himself, and Yohji has been interrupted at a most inopportune moment - Persia's Tenshi regroup in the cellar of what was once the Kitty in the House flower shop.]

Persia (via videotape): Good job Tenshi! You wrapped this one up in no time.

Yohji (grumbling): I would've liked to wrap up some other things first.

Aya (heading for the stairs with a tight vinyl squeak): I've got to get out of these clothes before... (he pauses, realizing the others are listening)...before _important things_ are damaged.

Yohji (snickering around his cigarette): Important things? If you hadn't been so afraid someone would get inside to see those "important things", you wouldn't have anything to worry about now.

[Aya merely glares at Yohji, before creaking his way up the stairs. Ken begins to pester Yohji about what went on behind closed doors at the ladies' club, while Omi listens in, his eyes growing larger by the minute.]

Persia on the videotape, unnoticed by anyone save Manx>: Tune in next week, when Yohji will pose as a Playgirl centerfold to uncover a bizarre murder plot!

Manx (fanning herself): Don't miss it!

[Campy music plays, and the credits are back dropped by an image of the four Tenshi silhouetted against a large white rose.]

**Author's Note:**

> Charlie's Angels plot lines often involved finding and bringing to justice villains who preyed on women in one fashion or another. Naturally, Persia's Angels should do the same for mistreated bishounen, ne?


End file.
